Elephant Nature Park | Chiang Mai, Thailand

Bangkok always seemed to have a naughty ring to it, I thought, and now I know why. The city of six million is more than just the nation’s governmental capital; it’s also the sex tourism capital of Southeast Asia. People – Thai women, adolescent boys and girls and those that walk the increasingly precarious gender gap line – “ladyboys” and “toms” – are all for sale here in Bangkok.

Of course, it’s not just Bangkok. While there is certainly no comparison to the volume of hedonistic pleasures taking place in Thailand’s biggest city, other cities in Thailand’s north and south make their bid to claim a piece of the sex tourism pie. Our first stop in Thailand brought us to Chiang Mai, the cultural capital of Thailand and the biggest city in the country’s northern area. As such, it is also the place to be in the north for sex tourists.

The Oldest Profession in the World

Photo courtesy of Vitaly Shepelev.

On our night out in Thailand we were struck by the number of middle-aged, white, Western men who seemed to be travelling alone. Or so we thought. One bar after another, we were seeing Aussies, Americans, Canadians, Brits and a host of other fair-skinned fellows saddled up to the bar, only to be greeted warmly by a young, scantily-clad, dark-skinned and beautiful Thai woman.

Here’s how it works. The ladies (so far, they’re still just ladies), are “employees” at the bar. If a man would like to talk to one of these employees, it’s proper and assumed that he will buy himself and her drinks from the bar where she is employed. Sometimes, this is the extent of it – flirting over drinks while watching the latest Premiership football match on the tellie. But, if the discussion and flirting leads the man into wanting to take this bar employee home, well, then he has to ask permission from her boss to leave her work station. This requires some financial compensation to the bar-owner, usually in the range of 500 baht (between $15 and $20). Now that he and his new lady-friend have smoothed things over with the bar-owner, the night is their oyster (maybe not the best analogy here…). Remunerations for sexual acts can then be worked out between the man and woman with no intermediary.

This is where my guidebook explanation and personal experience (strictly visual, people) ends. But what Laura and I recognize early on in our Chiang Mai stay is that many of the men we see here are not just on holiday. They live here. Some have apartments, jobs (maybe they even own a bar?), etc. Others seem to visit several times a year and are familiar with the bar staff, café owners, masseuses and store clerks we see them talking to around town.

So, we see some men who are solo during the day and have girls at night. But others are walking around with their female partners during the day, grabbing lunch, getting pedicures (yep, the men, too), massages and even visiting the Tiger Kingdom to play with tiger cubs. This leads me to believe one of a few things. 1) Some guys think they are Richard Gere and are living out their Pretty Woman fantasies sans the polo matches. 2) What begins as a pay-for-sex relationship matriculates over time into a bona fide boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, where the man stops paying for sex and just buys her things for sex. No, my grandma reads this. That’s a joke.

Really, I don’t fully understand the specifics, but I could gather that such a partnership could (this is a huge could) be mutually beneficial. The young Thai woman who typically comes to Chiang Mai from smaller, farm towns nearby to make money and a better life for her and her family now has a dependent, semi-reliable source of income. And she no longer has to work. Or she’s always working, depending on how you view it. The man, stereotypically driven by sex, but often just lonely and looking for a partner, gets what he wants in the form of the beautiful, young girlfriend he now has on his arm. These relationships are so common and so sought after that we even saw books in Bangkok’s airport titled “How to Get (and Keep) a Thai Girlfriend.”

Lions and Tigers and….Ladyboys – Oh Chiang Mai!

Photo courtesy of Vitaly Shepelev.

Cue Lou Reed and his Warholian anthem to transvestites, Take a Walk on the Wild Side, and you have a pretty good intro to the other side of sex tourism visible in Thailand.

Holly came from Miami, F.L.A.
Hitch-hiked her way across the USA
Plucked her eyebrows on the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She says, Hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side

Not all sex tourists coming to Thailand are looking for a lady. Some are looking for a man. And there are others who coming looking for a man dressed up as a lady – hence the “ladyboy.” A ladyboy, or Kathoey in Thai, is defined by Wikipedia as “a male-to-female transgender person or an effeminate gay male in Thailand.” (Now, if you’re bored at work or have a lot of time, look up kathoey on Wikipedia and the rest of your afternoon is shot. I promise you this is interesting stuff.)

The beautiful truth is that ladyboys are an integral part of Thai culture and are viewed and treated much better than transgendered people in any Western country. Many believe that due to Thailand’s strong Buddhist beliefs transgenders are accepted more. There are kathoey beauty contests all over Thailand and their presence in newspapers and magazines is quite common. In fact, many are used as models and a slew of books and films have been produced featuring kathoey subjects. While in Chiang Mai, we visited many bars with only ladyboy staff and rode with bus companies who had all-ladyboy service. It seemed almost chic to do so.

The hard reality is that life and law can still be cruel for transgenders in Thailand. Thai laws do not accommodate many of the ambiguities that go along with being transgendered; many jobs are unattainable or difficult to get due to employment discrimination and amenities given to Thai females are not available to kathoey women, even if they were to undergo sexual reassignment surgery.

Middlesex, Intersex and Tom-Dees

Photo courtesy of Vitaly Shepelev.

Every coin has two sides. Such is the case with transgender representation in Thailand. For every ladyboy bus attendant or waiter (waitress?) I spoke to, there was a “Tom”, or female-to-male transgender taxi driver or bouncer. Our first night in Thailand, we had a Tom that I likened to the Fonz from Happy Days. She was cool and tough in her leather jacket and cigarette hanging from her lips as she drove us around town. She had all the mannerisms of a male. If we were home, I’d probably ask her to come over on Sunday to drink beer and watch football.

I never saw women dressed as men accosting foreign men or women at bars, but I assume there is a market for this. What I do know is that in Thailand many relationships exist between said “toms” and “dees” – heterosexual women known for their diva-like tendencies. In these relationships, “toms” will act as the caretaker and breadwinner and carry out the common niceties we associate with chivalry: holding doors open, pulling out a woman’s chair at restaurants and even carrying their dee’s purse. This is not always a sexual relationship but can be. Often, the tom will “please” his dee sexually, for which he/she will receive nothing in recompense, nor is it expected.

Bangkok – The Big Apple

If the apple in New York’s sobriquet were to signify the temptation of Eve in the Garden of Eden, then perhaps Bangkok is the true Big Apple. For, temptation certainly abounds in the Thai capital. One is quick to realize how prevalent this temptation is even before they arrive to Bangkok. When booking a hotel online, our hotel made it very clear on its website that “sex tourists are not allowed.” When checking out several other hotels we encountered the same, signaling to us that this is a serious issue if it even has to be mentioned.

Other hotels take a more passive (or capitalistic) approach, keeping passports at the front desk and charging guests for “visitors.” As you can imagine there are also many “o’clock” hotels that charge per hour instead of by room.

Before visiting, the first Bangkok image that came to mind was of that super-creepy, weirdo bobble-head that alleged he had killed JonBenet Ramsey. I remember the footage of him in handcuffs being extradited back to the US and the media reports claiming that he had been living in Bangkok and preying on child sex slaves. This is something that one doesn’t easily forget.

That people, even today, are sold into slavery, many of whom are young children, is absolutely repulsive and extremely disheartening. Many are tricked into coming to the “big city” for some other type of work, where upon arriving they find that the job they’ve been promised never existed and are forced into a life of prostitution or slavery. Fortunately, this type of prostitution is not accepted, but sadly still exists. I don’t know much about this so I will defer to the laudable work being done by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime and HumanTrafficking.org. Hopefully, you can learn more from the people who dedicate themselves to combating such injustices.

Sex tourism in Thailand comes in all shapes, sizes and genders. I left with more questions than I had when I started, but one thing is for certain: you’ll learn more about the birds and the bees and all the in-betweens when you visit this incredibly unique country.

Scenes from Thailand from Cullen Keller on Vimeo.

Music
Song: I Love the Rain the Most
Artist: Joe Purdy

Created with Admarket’s flickrSLiDR.

Our time in Asia was coming to a close. Our journey had taken us from incredible India to the breathtaking heights of Nepal. We witnessed the natural splendor of tragic Tibet and grew wildly fascinated with Big Brother China. We lingered in lackadaisical Laos and had our hearts broken in Burma and Cambodia. We’d survived countless overnight journeys on rickety buses, blackened our lungs on one too many rickshaws and even shared a train car with rats.

After five months in Asia, only one thing was certain: this continent had blown us away!

Packing so much into the past few months, we’d saved our last ten days for pure indulgence. On a flight from Bangkok headed south we were bound for the islands of southern Thailand.

It’s not so often in life that you have the chance to sit with a map in hand and ponder over which of thirty idyllic islands has your slice of heaven written all over it. Sitting at home on our living room floor mulling over atlases and guidebooks, these were the moments we’d dreamt about. This is why we stayed in all those Friday nights, why we scoped out drink deals and routinely cooked in. This is why we got rid of TV and cable bills and laughed off all the bad jokes that came our way for those antiquated cell phones we were hanging on to. Flying over the palm-fringed beaches of this tropical paradise, I realized we were now living our dream.

After strong recommendations from several traveling friends we’d met along the way, we settled on spending all our time on the island of Koh Pha Ngan. The island is notorious for hosting the famed full moon parties, which draw nearly 10,000 visitors to the island each month to partake in every hedonistic pleasure imaginable. Looking for nothing more than sun, surf and sand, this was clearly not our draw. We had our hearts set on a secluded area of the island, along the white, sandy, remote beach of Thong Nai Pan Noi.

One flight, one bus ride, one ferry and one rickshaw ride later, and we finally arrived to our destination. Here we found a stark, white beach with piles of white ‘pillowy’ sand. The beach sits at the shores of a bay with mint-colored water and surrounded by lush forests. Ode to our new home sweet home!

We’d booked ourselves a basic beachside bungalow. The wooden hut was plain and simple, offering all the amenities two beach bums might need. We were equipped with the simple pleasures: a blossoming tree of frangipani outside our front door to shade our little haven from the sun, a bucket of water to wash the beach off our salt-water sticky feet and a ceiling fan to cool down our sun-kissed bods at night. What else could ya need?

In the life of a traveler, our days are consumed with decisions. Where will we sleep tonight? Where are we going next? How many days will we stay there? Will we need a visa? Where will we eat for breakfast? How will we get there? How much does the metro cost? Which bus do we need to take? Is this guy ripping us off? Will anyone speak English? How much do we need to tip? Where’s the closest ATM?

Our goal in southern Thailand was to take every question, every decision, out of the equation. And that’s just what we did. Our greatest challenge each day was deciding when to flip our bronzing bodies and which beachside joint served up the strongest cocktails.

When I think back on the fondest memories of my twenty eight years of life, I tend to remember the moments not days. Thinking back on our time in our Thailand paradise, these moments are so vivid…

Beginning each day lingering over heaping plates of fresh fruit…Kayaking out in the open sea over turquoise waters…Burying myself in a book while waves lapped up against me on the water’s edge. Snorkeling with schools of brightly colored fish…Runs up the cliff for breathtaking views of the bay…The smooth, citrusy taste of banana and mango shakes – my afternoon thirst quencher…Endless cocktail hours at sunset over one too many mojitos…Indulging in spicy coconut curries and king prawns the size of your head…Feet in the sand under a blanket of stars…Swimming in the ocean as monsoon rains crashed down all around me…Reminding myself over and over how lucky I am to be living this life…

Yes, this is exactly why I stayed in all those Friday nights.

Buddhist temples against a clear blue sky in Chiang Mai, Thailand

Pictures of Thailand have danced in my head ever since I caught my first case of the travel bug. The furious traffic and frenetic energy of Bangkok intrigued me. The sight of golden pagodas and taste of coconut curries excited me. And promises of pristine, desolate, white sandy beaches thrilled me.

With expectations sky-high, we wanted to devote a considerable amount of time to getting to know this so-called ‘Land of Smiles.’ As such, we used Thailand as our base in Southeast Asia, passing through Bangkok thrice and dividing up the rest of our time exploring the North and South of the country.

Immediately recognizable, Thailand was a stark contrast to its underdeveloped Laos neighbor. For better and for worse, Thailand offered many amenities we’d been missing: paved roads, well-appointed accommodation and modern trains and buses. This comes with a cost as 7-11’s and heavy traffic and pollution now joined the playing field.

Chiang Mai

Novice monks sit outside a Buddhist temple

Our first stop was Chiang Mai located in the mountains of northern Thailand. It’s the cultural capital of the country and a national treasure for Thai people. We hoped to discover a quaint town built into the mountainside, but soon learned our expectations would be given a reality check.

Chiang Mai, with a population hovering just below two million people, is more city than country, more polluted than pure and more hectic than peaceful. While golden pagodas are buzzing with streams of tangerine-clad monks, it’s also a place where traffic and whizzing mopeds are plentiful and the sex tourism thriving.

Where was the Chiang Mai travelers had raved about? Digging a little deeper into our pockets we were about to find out. A belated birthday splurge introduced us to Chiang Mai’s posh portfolio of adventures.

Enveloped by lush, mist-shrouded hills, Chiang Mai has a privileged setting. Stepping outside the city, these surroundings create an ideal backdrop for exclusive properties. We upped the ante and settled in at a delightful bed and breakfast along the river banks of the Ping River running through the city. At Baan Orapin, a 100-year old mansion turned B&B, we began to understand what Chiang Mai’s appeal was all about.

Our room at Baan Orapin B&B in Chiang Mai, Thailand

And then there was the food. It didn’t take long for us to begin to unravel this piece of the puzzle. Juice shops on every corner introduced us to the mango, banana and dragon fruit shakes that would soon become our staple. All the coconut-milk curries we’d dreamt about, however, took the backburner, as we discovered the joys of Thailand’s northern cuisine. Here, in Thailand’s cooler climate, dishes are more stew-like. Spices and herbs from the dense forests are incorporated into dishes and pickled cabbage and lime add a hint of sourness to traditionally spicy dishes. Also setting northern cuisine apart is the sticky rice served with every meal and eaten with your hands.

Enjoying the traditional cuisine of northern Thailand at Huen Phen restaurant

Smoked tomato and pepper salsa at Huen Phen restaurant

For animal lovers, Chiang Mai packs a big punch. On a visit to Elephant Nature Park (see video here), we spent a day caring for abandoned and abused elephants. Bathing, feeding and getting to know the stories of these gentle giants, we enjoyed an eye-opening day at the elephant sanctuary home to 33 rescued elephants.

Making friends with rescued elephants at Elephant Nature Park

We also visited the nearby Tiger Kingdom (see video here), where we were face to face with the massive beasts. Ryan snuggled up to a big guy and I, smiling ear-to-ear, played with three-month old tiger cubs. While we enjoyed this unique encounter, we realized there may have been some shady things going on behind closed doors. The big tigers seemed a bit lethargic and made us question if they were being tranquilized. Further, their small cages suggested they are likely mistreated and looking back we do not recommend a visit here. Your money could be well-spent elsewhere.

Loving on some baby tiger cubs

A Piece of the Pai

We made a brief detour north of Chiang Mai to the town of Pai, Thailand. We were anxious to get to know the so-called ‘mountain paradise,’ but what we discovered was more hippy commune than Thai escape. Crawling with ex-pat, dreadlock Rastafarians and filled with cafes blaring both Bobs (yes the Marley and the Dylan) this town seemed to have lost any Thai-ness it ever had.

To add to the strange aura, we had booked ourselves a room at a bizarre hotel called Spa Exotic Home. You’d think we’d been forewarned with the name of the place, but that passed us by. When we showed up at our Pai digs, we found our little, wooden bungalow was equipped with its own ‘spa.’ Our bathroom had a huge, stone tub shooting out hot, sulfur water that reeked of rotten eggs. To elevate the mood, there were paintings of water nymphs hung all over the walls of our room. If that wasn’t enough, there was a u-shaped, hot spring pool just outside our front door. The only thing rivaling the steamy waters were the Kama Sutra sculptures surrounding the pool.

The strange aura of the hot springs at Spa Exotic Home

Our time in Pai will best be remembered for tooting around on a moped. Because our hotel was so far outside of town, renting a moped was essential. Once we hopped on, we realized we’d been missing out on this quintessential Southeast Asian experience. With Ryan at the wheel, we whizzed around town like a local. Check out the video below of my first and only attempt at driving the moped.

There is something about the Thai way that leaves you wanting more. Maybe it’s the food, the smiles and warm welcome we received. Maybe it’s the abundant sunshine, natural beauty and mix of Western amenities and rich culture. Perhaps it’s a mix of all of this. Whatever it was, Thailand was beginning to wrap us around her finger and our adventures in northern Thailand only whet our appetite for more.